please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
