I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Boobs are out for the taking
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
