I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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