the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
