Pants 0. Shit 1.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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