i wish my penis had a tongue
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
