I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
