You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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