I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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