i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
