If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
