She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
