i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
