do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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