DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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