..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
