i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
