no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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