The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
