Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
