I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
