ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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