I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
third nipple confirmed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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