I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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