You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
