in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
