No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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