My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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