dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you win again, gameday.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
