i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
