everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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