I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
