the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
