Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
