susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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