that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
