What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
