Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My ATM looks so different sober.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
