I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
