i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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