I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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