My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
