It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
