I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
