I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
