I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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