That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
