I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i dont even know how to be here
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
