This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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