so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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