I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
