Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
