umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
